Ghosts of my Past

I've come to the conclusion that I'm afraid of ghosts. Not the Halloween kind or the ones that supposedly show up on the Ghost Hunter shows. It's the flesh and blood ones that still walk around today, forever etched into my memory.

I'm not afraid of much in this world except for them. There are just a handful of people whose opinion of me I cherish and value. And my fear begins as I try to renew old friendships, hoping that what I've become meets with their expectations.

My daughter had problems with some bullies at school. I told her that their opinions don't count for anything. They will come and go and probably not amount to much. I should take my own advice.

But these ghosts from my past rise up in my life today, and I fear they measure me against the success that they have attained. These ghosts have greatly excelled by their accomplishments, their careers, or their families. I am proud of my success in this life. I have beautiful children who aren't afraid to dream, friends whose lives I'd be willing to die for, and great compassion for many which God has given me. But I fear I don't measure up to the standards the world has set. And especially those people who wandered into my life and made an indelible mark on it.

I may have been in love with them or just desired their friendship. Or I may have just loved them so much that I prayed for their great success. But now that they have reached that in life, maybe I've been left behind, a shell of the man I could have been.

My love for their friendship still burns brightly today. It is with hope and faith, that I meet their expectations. For I shall always care for them to the point of laying down my life for them, because their lives are of so much value.

But I've found that the only way to face my ghosts is head on. You can never go back to the way things once were. But by confronting my fears, I overcome them. With confidence in myself, I defeat these ghosts in my memory and resurrect these friendships once again.